I want to get past this, and move on to another place. For 17 years I tried to please, learn, and make a change. In my life and in my environment. I wish I would have realized much sooner that they just didn’t like me and that this was never going to work.
Instead I tried to play the game, and I don’t like playing games, of any kind.
So I sold my soul, and they devoured me.
It makes me angry. I feel rather foolish. And then I feel sad.
Why didn’t I do a better job? Why couldn’t I make them like me? Why couldn’t I play their game better? Why am I such a failure?
He tells me I have value, and worth, and that it’s not my fault, but I think it must be. Because if I really did have value, and worth would it have been like this?
17 years that I want to forget, but can’t. The memories are haunting. When I think I’m doing ok, I realize I’m just fooling myself.