Failure

Again.

I want to get past this, and move on to another place.  For 17 years I tried to please, learn, and make a change.  In my life and in my environment. I wish I would have realized much sooner that they just didn’t like me and that this was never going to work.
Instead I tried to play the game, and I don’t like playing games, of any kind.

So I sold my soul, and they devoured me.
It makes me angry.  I feel rather foolish.  And then I feel sad.
Why didn’t I do a better job?  Why couldn’t I make them like me?  Why couldn’t I play their game better?  Why am I such a failure?
He tells me I have value, and worth, and that it’s not my fault, but I think it must be.  Because if I really did have value, and worth would it have been like this?
17 years that I want to forget, but can’t.  The memories are haunting. When I think I’m doing ok, I realize I’m just fooling myself.

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