My own little world

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I’m just going to sit back and enjoy my “own little world” for a few days….

I might not be back the rest of this week, but I’ll try and be back on Monday of next week.

Have a wonderful week….and enjoy your “own little world”, wherever it may be! ūüôā

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A life changing moment

My heart, my thoughts and my prayers, are with my daughter-in-law and her family this week.  Her only brother passed away after a long. hard fight with the vicious disease of cancer.  He was 17 years old.

I have felt the gut-wrenching pain of death. ¬†I have had my loved ones ripped from my life, and I have had them slip slowly and silently away. ¬†I know of grief, and yet I can’t take hers from her, and make this walk just a little easier for her.

The sympathy cards. ¬†Oh how I hated getting them, simply because of the reason for the card. ¬†I didn’t want to be “that person” in need of sympathy. ¬†I welcomed the comfort, but it was the sympathy that I didn’t want to be a part of. ¬†I didn’t want to keep being reminded over and over again of the pain.

I just wanted the pain to stop, and I wanted my loved one back again.

I know that my daughter-in-law wants this more than anything else in life right now.  She wants the pain to stop, and she just wants to hug him, and see his smile again.  She wants him alive, and healthy, and back in her life again.

The tears are so tiring, the pain grows weary, and some days the burden of the loss is just too great. Will I ever feel normal again?

The answer is, no. ¬†Never again. ¬†This is a life changing moment. ¬†She will never look at life through the same lenses, she will continually be aware of ¬†his absence, and there will be days when she just won’t want to go on.

I know this is true, but I also know that my God will be her only Source of strength and comfort.  I am praying she finds this peace and comfort.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. ” ¬†¬†John 14:27

A smell to remember

There are certain smells that take me back to a place, or a person in an instant!

For example, the smell of WD-40 takes me back to the memory of my Dad, and his strong hands. He would use this unique product when he was working on our family cars. My Dad would also use it to clean his hands from the grease and the grime of the engines. The smell of the WD-40 would linger long after his hands were cleaned, and the association of the WD-40 to my Dad began at a very early age.

WD40 picture

It has been a very long time since I have smelled my Dad’s hands. I can’t even really remember the sound of his voice anymore, but, if I happen to get a whiff of WD-40, I am instantly transported to another place¬†and time, and once again, I’m reminded of his hands. And then I am reminded of my Dad.

My Dad’s hands. The hands that would hold me on his lap, and gently cover my ears when the pain from the ear ache was too great for me to bear.

The hand he would offer, for me to squeeze as hard as I could, in an effort to distract me from the impending pain of a needle.

The hand that covered mine, as he would guide me through the steps of casting the line of a fishing pole, or shifting the gears on the car while he was driving.

This is the hand, that I was sure would hold mine through every important event in my life.

I have long since tried to understand, why it would be, that my Dad would die when he was only 40 years old. The questions have all been asked.  This side of Heaven, there simply are no good answers that will satisfy my heart.  But over the years, I have grown to accept it for what it is. A fact that can not be changed.

I can no longer hear his voice, or hold his hand, but I can hold on to a memory.  A memory that can be sparked by something as unique as the smell of WD-40!

And yes, I admit,¬†I still have¬†days, when it sure would be nice to be able to squeeze my Dad’s hand, as hard as I possibly can.