Cause and effect…or what happens when bike meets pavement…

I was at the end of a really great bike ride, ready to make the final turn to go up the hill and head toward home. I slowed down to turn around, my tires hit sand, and the next think I knew, I was on my way down.

I hit the pavement hard, and I guess in an effort to save my face, I put down my hand.

It worked for my face, but not my hand.

In an attempt to shake it off, I tried to push my bike up the hill. I was quickly made aware of a shooting pain in my left hand when any pressure was applied.

We got some ice, to reduce the swelling and to numb the pain. It wasn’t working. It was obvious that this was more then just a bruise.

Off we went to spend our Friday night in the emergency room! Never a dull moment there!

After a few X-rays, some pills for the pain, cutting my wedding ring off, and about four hours later, I was sent home with a temporary splint on my arm. I had fractured the scaphoid bone in my wrist, and I would need to see an Orthopedic Dr on Monday.

This was my prize from the emergency room….

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And this is my present from the Orthopedic Dr.

I’ll be wearing this nifty little accessory for the next 4-6 weeks.

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If all goes well…I should be back on my bike by summer!

Yeah, right.

I’m not too sure about that bike riding stuff right now, but I am learning how to do a lot of things with one hand! 🙂

Like typing….

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The peace of forgiving

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”
― Lewis B. Smedes

Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts we Don’t Deserve” by Lewis B Smedes, is probably the best book I’ve ever read on the subject of forgiveness.

The impact it had on my life was a sense of freedom and release from the bondage of the inability to forgive.  I knew that it was the right thing to do, and I would often get to the point where I thought I could forgive, and then I would stop.

Nope! in my mind, I didn’t want to give the other person the privilege of my forgiveness.  I wanted them to feel the pain that I had felt! Maybe even more!

The reality of it is this, it just doesn’t work like that.

Anyone who is cruel enough to cause pain and not ask for forgiveness after the fact, does not feel any guilt or pain by our resistance to forgive them.  Their life goes on, and they probably continue in the same vein of hurting others.

They are not even giving a second thought to the deed done to me. But my life becomes consumed by unhealthy emotions.  I become conflicted with my own guilt over the unwillingness to forgive, and the bitterness and anger caused by the hurt and the pain.

I learned that the act of forgiveness does not mean that I can or should forget, nor is it required of me to forget. However, forgiveness is still required. It doesn’t mean that I never experienced the pain and the hurt, and it doesn’t mean that I will never remember it again. What it means is that I have made the choice to forgive.

And in choosing to forgive, I move forward with new hope and peace in my heart. I can’t excuse, tolerate or forget, I can only forgive.  And in forgiving, I am released from the bondage of guilt and bitterness.

(Interesting note, Lewis B Smedes died on this day in 2002.  I had no knowledge of this until today.  I am thankful for his insight into a very painful subject.  He certainly had an impact on my life.)

A life changing moment

My heart, my thoughts and my prayers, are with my daughter-in-law and her family this week.  Her only brother passed away after a long. hard fight with the vicious disease of cancer.  He was 17 years old.

I have felt the gut-wrenching pain of death.  I have had my loved ones ripped from my life, and I have had them slip slowly and silently away.  I know of grief, and yet I can’t take hers from her, and make this walk just a little easier for her.

The sympathy cards.  Oh how I hated getting them, simply because of the reason for the card.  I didn’t want to be “that person” in need of sympathy.  I welcomed the comfort, but it was the sympathy that I didn’t want to be a part of.  I didn’t want to keep being reminded over and over again of the pain.

I just wanted the pain to stop, and I wanted my loved one back again.

I know that my daughter-in-law wants this more than anything else in life right now.  She wants the pain to stop, and she just wants to hug him, and see his smile again.  She wants him alive, and healthy, and back in her life again.

The tears are so tiring, the pain grows weary, and some days the burden of the loss is just too great. Will I ever feel normal again?

The answer is, no.  Never again.  This is a life changing moment.  She will never look at life through the same lenses, she will continually be aware of  his absence, and there will be days when she just won’t want to go on.

I know this is true, but I also know that my God will be her only Source of strength and comfort.  I am praying she finds this peace and comfort.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. ”   John 14:27